Why aren't you a Trump supporter?

I don’t watch or listen to advertising

I don’t hide in my hotel room while everybody else keeps the appointed time and place because my hair might get wet

I don’t run and hide from a debate like a fucking WIMP just becuase some moderator asked pointed questions

Jason Sudeikis Pays Tribute To His Late Uncle George Wendt: “I Love Him Dearly” - Deadline

It’s uncool to set up soft porn pics with your own preteen daughter

When a reporter declines to join me in the rooftops fantasy I don’t go on stage and gyrate to mock his congenital disability

Fuck that piece of orange shit, fuck his idiocracy, fuck his sexism, fuck his racism, fuck his religionism, fuck his divisionism, fuck his lying, fuck his orange face paint, fuck his worship of Cult of Ignorance, fuck his Cult, fuck his jingoistic horseshit, fuck his manuipulations, fuck his toddler-age WIMPism, fuck his fucked-up values of ME ME ME and did I mention ME, and fuck him personally with a giant razor sharp dildo that’s been preheated to 204.7° F and built to the dimensions of the Washington Monument. Slowly.

Why do almost all vertebrates have tails, but not apes and frogs?

I know the difference between “give me your tired, your poor” and “they’re poisoning our blood”

I have a reading level above third grade

I don’t buy bullshit

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I respect women and don’t respect those who don’t

When I go Greenland shopping and Denmark says no I don’t melt down like a fucking WIMP

I don’t buy made-up stories of “thousands and thousands of people dancing on rooftops”

Have you ever accidentally seen your mother-in-law doing something that was private to her?

I have no sicko desire to control women or have a bizarro hangup with “blood”

I don’t believe that Saudi Arabia and Russia “will vedoop bedeep uhhhh”

I actually pay taxes

Who is the most dangerous or evilest person of all time?

A real man doesn’t grab women by the p***y

I have complete contempt for intentional stupidity

I don’t believe the way to respond to a hurricane is to call a press conference to describe it as “wet from the standpoint of water”, to distribute Play Doh, or to stand at a podium throwing rolls of paper towels as if they were bottles of ketchup

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I don’t respect a sleazeball who lies about his height just so he can lie about his weight

I don’t hold serial bankrupters in high regard

EVEN FUCKING MIKE PENCE understands that

Why aren't F1 cars popular on the street?

I know who the president of Turkey really is

I have complete contempt for traitorism

I know there’s no such thing as invisible planes

My marriage is fixed. My future husband repeatedly calls me to meet me in private and pressure me to have a relationship. What should I do?

I have complete contempt for fraudsters, and even less for repeat ones

I can read

It’s uncool to lurk around teenage girls’ dressing rooms

John Brenkus, host of Emmy-winning ‘Sport Science’ on ESPN, died by suicide - New York Post

I have an acute aversion to scumbags

I don’t respect shameless hucksters who try to sell a vitamin where you have to mail in your pee

Those are a few reasons off the top of my head. How ’bout you?

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I understand how hurricane paths work

I know the difference between Sioux City and Sioux Falls and even Sioux Center

I don’t believe there is a fucking “president of the Virgin Islands”

Why do you think most harem anime and manga have lame male protagonists that would be considered losers and pathetic by most people?

I have complete contempt for fakery

I know what Nikki Haley’s authority with the National Guard is

I understand that you can’t just fucking nuke a hurricane

authoritarians can get down on the floor and bite my ass, yesterday

I don’t believe Nazis, Klan klowns and white supremacists chanting “Jews will not replace us” comprise “very fine people”

I know the difference between “George Bush” and “Jeb Bush”

I’ve never tried to pretend the word would means wouldn’t

I know that if I or anyone I know commits a crime we’ll go to the clink

I don’t cotton to rapists

I know that he didn’t run against “Obamna”

I don’t believe in asking the people of Iowa “how stupid are the people of Iowa”

I don’t pretend not to know who David Dooky is just because he can deliver votes

I respect other cultures and don’t respect those who don’t

I understand geography enough to know that Belgium is not a “beautiful city”, that Paris is not in fucking Germany, that India does share a border with China, that that border is peppered with Bhutan and Nepal, not “Button” and “Nipple”, that time zones exist, that “shithole countries” do not, that “England” and “the UK” are not the same thing, that you cannot build a wall in Colorado to keep out New Mexico, and that the Bronx is not and has never been “a very wonderful place in fucking Germany”

If someone works for me, I actually pay them

I see through liars

I can count

I took the same Oath and took it seriously

I don’t call Tim Cook “Tim Apple” and if I do I don’t deny what’s right there on the videotape because I’m too much of a fucking WIMP to handle Reality

I understand that you can’t inject bleach or light

I understand historical events enough to know there were no airports in the eighteenth century, that Canada didn’t burn the White House half a century before it existed and that World War Two already happened

I understand that when you lose an election you step the fuck aside and take it like a man rather than invade the Capitol while your loss is being made official just because you’re a fucking snowflake WIMP

I know that sounds DO NOT cause cancer.

I didn’t get out of military service with fucking “bone spurs” that I paid a doctor to write

Let us count the ways. Captain Obvious says: